Shut Down Miami Until Residents Don't Have To Swim To Work
THE ENVIRONMENT 10/06/2039 6:11 AM ET
Shut Down Miami Until Residents Don't Have To Swim To Work
Val Nguyen
Lover of fine North African coffee

CC BY 4.0 South Beach flood by maxstrz | Writer image: CC BY 4.0 Headshot - Linh Sơn by Yunguyen666 | Images were cropped. Images used for illustration purposes only.
A typical day in Lake Miami.
Yesterday I swam to work.

More accurately, I drove to my downtown Miami office, found the street flooded, parked my car, put on my expensive rain boots, and waded through about two feet of water while water spilled over my expensive rain boots.

Thanks to the magic of - well, arctic ice falling into the sea, melting and expanding - South Florida is no longer liveable.

When one has to swim to work, you know it's time to shut down the city.

Last week, Miami International Airport flooded. Twice. Flights were delayed or cancelled. There were reports of water in the terminal.

Staff at Traski Capital Field are going to have to perform a miracle if the Dolphins are to play at their home field this week. Two inches of water is at this moment covering the turf. Last week Orlando's Orange Super Stadium hosted the Dolphins and may need to do so again (thanks Orlando).

Similarly, parking at Floridian Energy Arena is a drag, considering you need your rainboots for any parking lot near FEA these days. Also, last week's storm surge broke part of the Eritable Capital Life seawall - parts of the complex are still being drained of seawater (the seawall itself is yet to be fixed).

Of course, let's not forget ordinary residents. In some parts of the flood zones, for months out of each year, you can't leave your house without a kayak or at least an inner tube. At least paddling is good for your health.

Except of course, when alligators are part of the water and you are eaten by one, as was the tragic case last week of Harold Wimmer, 71, who was taken while wading through his front yard.

Local taxes out at Miami Beach have risen 400% in the past six years, as the city tries to figure out how to defeat the water engulfing it from all sides. Getting insurance for your apartment there is next to impossible.

House prices have plummeted throughout the South Florida area, while the price of insurance keeps rising. If you can even get a policy.

Our problem is that water is coming at us from all sides. A ten inch sea level rise (since the year 2000) is one thing, but super storms on top of that is something else. Living on limestone that's more swiss-cheese than actual stone, is another thing entirely. Streets flood from drains sometimes instantaneously.

The city of Miami has deployed an app which uses your device's camera - the software sees what your camera sees, recognizes elevated water in your vicinity and transmits your position and the likely level of the water to its maintenance crews, who come out to shake their heads and post "road closed" signs. I don't know many people who turn control of their camera over to the bureaucrats though.

Drones have also been deployed to rescue people who foolishly have driven into floodwaters. I'm told new AI-driven drones are on the way which can lift you from the top of your car, to a safe distance, and then fly away back to droneland.

Our pumps - $3.8bn over the last 5 years - have been thoroughly overwhelmed and might as well just remain inert. Salinity control barriers are an exercise in futility when you have to keep them shut because the sea level beyond is too high. Best to have freshwater hydrate your award winning roses from the ground up.

When we have storm surges, such as last week, the seawalls are overcome and Biscayne Boulevard turns into Biscayne River and traffic is diverted. Businesses are relocating.

Miami is turning into an American Venice. We should shut it down.

Please excuse me, I need to arrange a gondola to get home.
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