10/06/2034 7:32 AM ET

SEX/HAPPY

Reinvigorating Your Love Life: Seven Ideas

Emma Clark
Life/Style Couples Therapy

CC BY-SA 4.0 - image changes released under same license lovers by Nikita Storozhuk | Writer image: CC BY 4.0 headshot by Lisa Dusseault | Images were cropped. Images used for illustration purposes only.
Getting the romance kindling again needn't be difficult.
Is your romantic partnership becoming stale?

It's a question we all have to face at some stage, whether you're four days or forty years into a relationship. At some point, the dust will settle and routine will be normal, and you'll wonder about the carefree days when the sparks flew (in and out of the bedroom!) and the relationship had new-car smell. Everyone loves new-car smell!

Most people who have an opinion on the subject will tell you to change something. Add something, take something away.

I want to suggest some ways to reinvigorate your relationship. If you're in serious trouble, you may need the help of a professional counselor, but if it's just dusty, maybe I can help!

So here, for you, are seven ideas that might help reclaim your love life.

1. Do a blind map date.

Find a paper map if you can, and spread it out on your table. You and your partner (or partners) then close your eyes. Take your partner's hand, tell them to point a finger down toward the map, and then (with eyes still closed) turn the map around a few times, moving it about so he or she has no idea where anything is. Then gently place your hand on theirs and guide their finger down to the map.

Where it lands, you both commit to planning an exciting, sexy date in that location, using what restaurants, parks or entertainment facilities are available in that area!

Tip: the higher the scale of the map, the more chances for excitement! If you use a map of your neighborhood, it may be difficult to find something new to do. Use a map of your city, or even your state!

2. Get a divorce.

If you're married, divorces are cheap and easy to get - five to ten minutes online - and you can remarry with another quick online application and a fee.

So get divorced! And indulge in all the fun that comes with no longer being married.

Set up a date, a chance encounter where you meet on the street, on a train, in a shop...strike up a conversation. It's your chance to get naughty in all sorts of ways. Be illicit! You're not in the bonds of matrimony anymore. You can pretend to be strangers with no ties, because you no longer have any legal ties.

When you're done, and if you like being married, you get to have another wedding!

3. Introduce new lovers.

This one seems obvious - introducing a third party (or more, if you're poly!) can breathe fresh air into a relationship that has become a little musty.

That person will have sexual tastes and their own feelings, and you can bring them in a little of the way - perhaps just in the bedroom - or, if your relationship needs a major shake-up, perhaps you can go poly, if just for a little while. PolyChooz and Murluv are great apps to find people looking to join a couple.

4. Chill out with some weed.

If the staleness of your relationship is coming with a side serving of tension, maybe what you need is a natural relaxant?

Find yourself a good supplier of weed, purchase quality product, and let yourself calm. Put something mellow on the speakers and drink a nice wine.

See also: yoga, reiki, meditation

5. Get it all out in the open.

Sometimes even good marijuana won't do it and there are underlying issues which need to be aired. I had good friends whose relationship had gone south - they tried everything and nothing helped at all.

Finally I sat them down and asked each of them what annoys them the most about the other. Guess what? She hated that he left crumbs on the sofa, and he hated that she always moved his phone.

Sometimes you won't have access to a counselor, and there are just issues, and they need to be aired. And hashing them out can absolutely breathe life into a relationship.

6. Do things together that only one person likes.

Too many people think a good couple has to be completely alike. They have to have the same tastes in food, music, tv shows, movies, recreation...and on and on.

It's just not true! Of course a minimum of shared interests is necessary - you have to spend some time together. But you won't ever, ever, ever find a carbon copy of yourself to love (and if you did, you'd soon get bored).

One of the things I tell couples is to do something that only one person likes. If he likes baseball, then go to a game with him! If she likes the theatre, then do that. Not only is it a way to possibly broaden your interests, you'll be doing something just for the other person, and nothing strengthens a relationship like putting the other person first.

7. Go to a sex spa.

Sex spas are amazing for couples whose sex lives have deflated. You can work with an individual therapist (or, if you can afford it, each partner can work with their own therapist) in an intimate, educational and safe setting in order to learn how to be a better lover.

Remember, it's not cheating to engage in sexual contact for the purposes of loving your partner better. And good therapists are thoroughly professional, ready to work with you on technique, variety and even emotional issues associated with an unsatisfying sex life.

So there you have it: seven ideas to help you along in your relationship. Remember, every relationship experiences its ups and downs. It's how you manage the downs that determines what kind of relationship you have!
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