No, My Husband Can't Cheat But I Can
OPINION 10/06/2039 11:43 PM ET
No, My Husband Can't Cheat But I Can

Alice Jay McClaughin
Wife, exercise addict, everyday gal

CC0 1.0 Image by Unsplash | Writer image : CC BY 4.0 Image by Johan Larsson | Images were cropped. Images used for illustration purposes only.
A happy couple sometimes needs a little vibrancy in marriage, in order to last.
My husband cannot have an affair, but I can.

We came to this conclusion a year ago, after a long and exhaustive conversation regarding the state of our marriage. We were married five years ago, and everything felt off after the honeymoon. It felt off and I didn't know why. I cried a lot. My husband felt disempowered to be able to help me. We fought a lot. We were in the sea.

I had no idea what was going on, and I had no idea until my husband and I had our big fight. We were at that point when you're just shouting at each other and he yelled at me what it is that I wanted, and I screamed back, "I want someone else!"

Of course we were both dumbfounded, but then he took me by the hand and set me down and we talked. And I realized that although I loved him, I needed someone else.

I am of the opinion that women are at their least productive, capable and creative when they are tied down to a man. Dusty heteronormative ideals of gender and relationship utopia are discriminatory and destructive to womens' full potential.

For thousands of years men who couldn't tie their own shoelaces without aid from a strong woman have been celebrated for "sowing their wild oats" while women have been left to sweep floors and cook soup in a pot.

When my husband asked me that question I knew in my heart what I wanted. I wanted complete freedom. I wanted to be able to leave and
come back as much as I wanted. I wanted to be able to have sex with thirty men and return if I wanted. And not to, if I wanted.

I love my husband deeply, and he understands this. But he also understands he is not entitled to an explanation from me. Nor is he entitled to question me or to challenge my rights as a woman.

He understands also that for him to sleep with someone else would simply be a manifestation of the male's desire to be unfaithful. It would be to enforce those same abusive heteronormative patriarchal traditions that society needs to overcome if it's to progress. If he sought someone else he would be committing the same betrayal that every man has committed against women since we came down from the trees.

He has told me that he finds the idea of my sleeping with someone else to be incredibly arousing, which has added a lot of spice to our relationship. We have become more healthy and loving as a result of a much stronger sexual bond. And I felt more empowered as I shook off the shackles of a constricting relationship.

This needs to be a new world, full of new women who take what is theirs and who refuse to be held back by men who would constantly cheat if they could, because they lack the self-control and maturity to be productive members of a relationship.

By no means does this imply that there aren't still conversations to be had - when I see that my husband is struggling, I talk to him. And he asks questions and expresses himself in a non-threatening manner. We work through the issues just like every other couple, equitably and openly.

My husband is helped by this as a man and as a partner in a relationship, and we are changing the world by living out our truth as a couple, just a little bit every day.
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