I Am A Different Person Every Day
OPINION 10/06/2039 11:31 PM ET
I Am A Different Person Every Day

Gray Turner, Pamela Cluck, Win LeMeille, Ange Kameyuki, Gloria Sambola (et al)
We are me. And I am me.

CC0 1.0 Image by Hillyne | Writer image: CC BY 4.0 Sharpness by Feliciano Guimaraes | Images were cropped. Images used for illustration purposes only.
We're all me and we're all pleased to meet you.
Hello, nice to meet you.

Today, you may call me Gray. I am 32. I like tennis, eating chocolate, and running.

Yesterday, I was Pamela. 19 and precocious, I liked painting, yoga and going to the theater.

The day before that I was Win LeMeille. I was 64 and half-French. I enjoyed a good game of chess with brandy.

I identify as person-fluid, which means I am literally a different person each day. Sometimes the same person repeats in my body, other times it's a completely new personality.

I was born Rick Bennett, and I first began noticing my switches (as I call them) when I was 17. It made completing high school difficult, as my persona, interests, and cultural references all changed. It was less controlled at that point, a bit like a snow globe which had just been shaken up and needs time to settle.

Sometimes in the morning I would be Rick, then by midday I was Cruz Carter, then by evening Shinzu Tamaka. And so on.

Being PF is immensely difficult sometimes. How you self-reflect, your self-image, is crucial to who you are and how you live your life. Mine changes, constantly, forcing me to adapt. The mirror of my soul reflects me differently each day. How I perceive myself must adapt for the new person to be able to function in society.

At first I thought I was crazy. I would hear myself in my mind, telling myself I'm Rick (I would return to Rick quite often back then), but Sheila would keep coming in, until I couldn't stand it anymore and had to simply acquiesce just to be at peace. Then Sheila would be displaced by Gregg, and his viewpoints and attitudes. Then Lars.

I was put on a lot of medication back then. Every doctor suggested dissociative disorder (multiple personality disorder), and I was referred to a lot of psychiatrists. The last one I saw, a very nice woman, asked me a question I never had been asked before. She said, "When you switch, are you at peace?" and I replied yes. Then I realized, I needed to not fight it. My peace comes from letting my switches naturally happen, as one person leaves and another enters and is given life.

I am never conflicted by multiple personalities and I can feel only one persona at any one time. There's only ever me here, whether that me is Jackie Kung, Vera Rambutto or Tim Airsey.

On some level I feel priveleged by this gift I have been given, to play host to so many people, good people, just trying to make their way. I get to give them life. I get to give them a body to live in, to be in this world. To taste what they love, do what they love, see what they love.

It's a carousel of love which I embrace.

I have embodied approximately four thousand people at this point. Some of them return, some never return. I see Rick from time to time, but he only comes along maybe once a month at this point.

I don't know where my other personalities go when they leave. Maybe they go to other people, and occupy their bodies? Perhaps into a beautiful ether? Into the astral plane? Another dimension? I'm open to any of those explanations.

Last year person-fluidity was finally removed from the DSM, meaning PFs are no longer treated as having a psychiatric disorder. We are in the the first stages of our stigma being removed. More and more of us are emerging, coming out of our closet.

My employer knows about my uniqueness and has been unrelenting in his support. Others through my life have been confused, amused, kind and unkind. Potential romantic partners can't handle it.

I am a member of the PFSA (Person-Fluid Society of America). Last year we had one hundred members. This year we have 1,200, with more than 15,000 personas altogether.

As each PF comes forward, a thousand others are revealed in our truth. We are truth and love, and we're all happy to meet you.
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